MY DAUGHTER'S PROOF OF OWNERSHIP FOR EVERY OBJECT

Even the objects she doesn't own.  Like trees, basketball hoops, our neighbor's arm.

WHEN I DISCOVERED MY KID COULD OPEN THE TUB OF DESITIN

I didn't see it in time.

ON THE COMPUTER FOR FIVE MINUTES WHILE THE KIDS PLAY

    AND IT'S SUDDENLY QUIET

WHEN MY MAN COMES HOME TO A CLEAN HOME AND ASKS WHAT I DID ALL DAY

I'm just like